Hey everyone, it’s about time for another blog post. This time, I am writing this at 12am on my 16th birthday. First of all, I’m in shock that I’m 16. It all feels a little bit unreal to be growing up so fast (which might sound stupid). However, today’s post isn’t all that positive. I haven’t celebrated my birthday in several years, not that I’m complaining because I haven’t wanted to celebrate it in several years, but this year, everything has felt a little bit different.
I’m in a much different place in my life than I was last year and the years before, which makes me reminisce on what used to be. As much as I think that I pay enough attention to the past couple years of my life, I’ve been struggling to actually keep in touch with my past (which gets more prominent on my birthday). I think I push the hard conversations off for fear of losing my future-oriented mind. I often catch myself forgetting the difficult lessons that I fought to learn and pushing off the healing that I still need to work on.
That being said, I’ve also never really liked my birthday because it‘s terrifying how fast life moves, but in reality, it’s all about how you perceive things. I never truly recognized why I have been so uncomfortable with my birthday until I started to give my friend advice on how to enjoy their birthday. I repeatedly explained to them that their birthday doesn’t have to be sad; it doesn’t have to be about getting old. I explained that their birthday was what they made it; whether this meant celebrating the years you’ve lived or the ones that you will, it can be positive in many ways. I still struggle to grasp this idea myself, but I think it’s something for everyone to take note of. I’ve dreaded all of my birthdays in the past couple of years, and honestly it isn’t fair to myself. The only way I could even partially convince myself to acknowledge it this year was by making it about celebrating everyone who helped me get to this point, but you can only get so far with other people; it all goes back to the lessons that we learn along the way, especially the difficult ones that you had to fight for alone AND the healing that comes with it.
So (in the least positive way) as I continue to dread my birthdays, I’ll also continue to look forward to learning more about who I am versus who I have been and how I can use that knowledge to create the best version of myself. Honestly, I have no idea if that made any sense… but again it’s 12am and *sleep can heal*… so goodnight!!
*This is 100% untrue so please do NOT take my word for it!!*
Also, 10/10 recommend the Healing Edition of We’re Not Really Strangers!! :) <3
Comments